So...I quit

I did, after four years I am saying good-bye to my job at the church.

I am most definitely NOT saying good-bye to:

  • the church
  • my youth
  • my God
  • Grande Prairie
It's been a long time coming of me praying & wrestling in which now I finally have peace, such peace. I feel the calming reassurance that "You can still do Gods's work without receiving a paycheck from the church"

With this decision has come many attacks in many forms:
  • on my faith
  • my heart
  • through an ex-boyfriend
  • through lies
  • through gossip
Satan is having a field day and I am thankful for all of my praying friends who are always there with me to fight off the darkness. As I transition I would love if you could keep me in your prayers, ask God;
  • to remind me I am His
  • nothing can snatch me away
  • being a christian has nothing to do with where you work
  • He is faithful

All my love blogging peeps, God is good :)


I love Him.

Brothers, they're a hard thing from time to time but also so gentle, very gentle.

My younger brother adores me and by adores me I literally mean he cares a GREAT deal about me. He worries when a new "boy" comes calling, he warns me to be on my guard, he shakes his head and he says straight up "guys are jerks, I am a jerk and I don't like guys talking to you." His heart is so huge. Some people say "Ben is so protective of you, so over the top, he needs to settle down, give you space." The thing that bothers me so much about these statements is that none of these people truly know Ben, know his motives; he loves. He has said broken with tears in his eyes "I want you to be married soo bad, to meet the great guy but I am so fearful that you'll be hurt" -

He would hate for me to say this but Ben reminds me of my Jesus sometimes (a lot of the times- He would HATE being compared this way but I know none of you will tell him and he doesn't read my blog! haha) My Jesus knows I have to walk, that I will make choices, some that are wise others that will require bandaids but He gives me wisdom, discernment and walks with me through it all.

Ben is a lover, and he loves me and I am so thankful for him everyday. We may be different, may be a lot closer than other siblings but I think our relationship is simply a gift from God; a blessing and I will not tell people "ah I am lucky." I am not I have been blessed by my Saviour with a brother and friend who surpasses all my expectations of him (and I am a pretty demanding gal!!!)

Once in conversation with a friend I was mad that Ben hadn't shoveled the driveway yet (his job) and I said "I should just shovel my side of the driveway and put all my snow on his side as a punishment." My girlfriend said "that would be a dumb move because he will just shovel it all back to your side." But you know what? I sat there stunned because my Benny Boo Boo Benny would NEVER EVER shovel the snow back, he wouldn't, just never would. Ben is a giver, a lover and a friend with no hidden motives.

My Jesus is all these things and MORE!

How blessed indeed!



Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
                               Oceans- Hillsong

It is time to blog, it's been too long I need to be more on top of this but time goes at a really fast speed it feels like. In the words of my Estonian roommate Chris though "Everyone just thinks they're busy, there is always time" - As she boards a flight tonight back to Europe to attend her mothers funeral I think yes, there really is always time. What am I spending my time in or on though?

Usually nothing or pinterest rarely do I find myself nestled in a good book, on my knees in prayer, singing praises or reading the word. Don't get me wrong, I do these things but they're not on the priority list in my life most times (dishes, laundry, pinterest, a movie, gardening) all of these other "important" things end up taking over my life. As I sat up late with Chris last night talking through the confusion it dawned on me that there is so much in this life we cannot control, that's ok too. She said to me "I can't control what is happening here, I just cannot let it control me" - Did I mention how I am certain Chris was sent here to speak to my heart?!?!

We cannot control life. I cannot control if someone will break my heart, if my car wont shift into gear (a fun time this morning with a trip to the dealership, which resulted in a missed workout, no breakfast and finding out my warranty is out haha), I cannot control it. I can however control my response to the arguments, the frustrations, the trials. Will I respond in love, joy, peace? Will I take a breath and really say "Lord, this really isn't the end of the world, help me out here" - I and I think we all need to pause, find the time to focus on what's actually important.

As I showered this morning uttering prayers for Chris, for my car, for a friends bills to be met, for my relationships I realized this is relationship with my Maker. Being able to actually talk to the Creator and knowing that He hears me and He cares about what I am saying (even if He chuckles from time to time).

Get in the presence of our Savior, that's how I feel as I play "Oceans by Hillsong" on repeat this morning. Resting in God's embrace is where I remember I am His and He is mine and that is where I can let all the worry go.

Life has been fast-paced, it has been fun, it has been hard, I have cried crocodile tears and smiled giant amounts of joy. - God is faithful. 

Challenging myself to get on my knees daily, reading His love story to me and all of you and knowing I am the tax collector from Luke 18:13 I will seek His face for all I need.

"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'"

Oh Lord, Have mercy on me.


Farther Along- Josh Garrels

Farther along we'll know all about it
Farther along we'll understand why
So, cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine
We'll understand this, all by and by

Tempted and tried, I wondered why
The good man died, the bad man thrives
And Jesus cries because he loves 'em both
We're all cast-aways in need of rope
Hangin' on by the last threads of our hope
In a house of mirrors full of smoke
Confusing illusions I've seen

Where did I go wrong, I sang along
To every chorus of the song
That the devil wrote like a piper at the gates
Leading mice and men down to their fates
But some will courageously escape
The seductive voice with a heart of faith
While walkin' that line back home

So much more to life than we've been told
It's full of beauty that will unfold
And shine like you struck gold my wayward son
That deadweight burden weighs a ton
Go down into the river and let it run
Wash away all the things you've done
Forgiveness alright

Farther along we'll know all about it
Farther along we'll understand why
So, cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine
We'll understand this, all by and by

Still I get hard pressed on every side
Between the rock and a compromise
Like the truth and pack of lies fightin' for my soul
And I've got no place left go
'Cause I got changed by what I've been shown
More glory than the world has known
Keeps me ramblin' on

Skipping like a calf loosed from its stall
I'm free to love once and for all
And even when I fall I'll get back up
For the joy that overflows my cup
Heaven filled me with more than enough
Broke down my levees and my bluffs
Let the flood wash me

And one day when the sky rolls back on us
Some rejoice and the others fuss
'Cause every knee must bow and tongue confess
That the Son of God is forever blessed
His is the kingdom, we're the guests
So put your voice up to the test
Sing Lord, come soon 

Farther along we'll know all about it
Farther along we'll understand why
So, cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine
We'll understand this, all by and by


When God speaks..

Sometimes, correction most times I have to stop and remember that I serve a HUGE God that is capable of far more than I give Him credit for.

I worry.

I fret.

I get frustrated.

I cry.

Throughout the day though I am reminded of His love, His gentleness and His faithfulness. "Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.Your righteousness is like the highest mountains, your justice like the great deep." Psalm 36:5&6 - It's in passages like these ones that I have to be still and listen because I know the Lord is trying to reach me with a word from Him. I sit pondering His scripture and realize that He is crazy about me, crazy about you. I rest there in the thought that this God, this all loving God cares and is crazy about His daughter; me. 

That's humbling to say the least. I'm pretty crazy about Him too and I am also crazy about this woman, Nanny Walsh who is here visiting from Newfoundland, oh the blessings in abundance that are flowing from heaven!


So, I "had" a boyfriend

I don't even want to post this, mostly because it saddens me.

It also make me angry.

It also means it is what I say it is "had" past tense, finished.

There was this guy, this man really, with a beautiful soul, a huge heart and he made me filled to the brim with so much. I felt things I never knew I could, I heard things I never thought a man would whisper and I put my faith in the way he cared for me. I laughed so much. He was such a goof, he'd giggle, he'd roar in laughter and I would exclaim "I'm gonna pee" then we would laugh harder, together, always together. He would be deep, he would stop and grab my face and speak right into my heart, thoughtfully and with purpose. He knew God, he knows God. We shared this with hands connected and hearts bowed before our Father, we prayed, he would fast, he was serious, is serious. He taught me, I am not sure if he is even aware of this but he did. He taught me to not judge, he taught me there is more to a person than meets the eye. He didn't shave his beard, he loved comics and I who once thought "lame" enjoyed this about him, enjoyed his authenticity, enjoyed his determination. We talked about forever, we laughed about forever, we dreamed about forever, smiled about it and sighed with great exhales of anticipation for forever. I said to him "You're my first boyfriend, I hope you'll be my last"- he hoped for that too. He respected me. He honored me. He wouldn't cross lines and to make sure of this he initiated conversations about boundaries and protecting ourselves. He is a beautiful soul, a thoughtful soul, one I miss more each day, one I wish I could run back to and shake until his eyes became clear again but he is a "had" and that means done. With every end comes a new beginning, I have heard that one and it make me crazy inside. I thought he was my new beginning, I thought when I stood on my porch and he grabbed my face, stared into my eyes and said "I'm not going to kiss you, until you're ready, I'll wait for you" that a future together was being created. A picture was being painted. I remember the words, remember the joys and I also remember the struggles. He was deeply passionate and not afraid to show it. I also, am passionate, I labelled myself a psycho, he said that was not a label he would ever place on me. He said "If it matters to you, I'll respect it, it'll matter to me" - those words never hold true and they rarely are followed through on. He did however care for me, and I do feel like what he said he meant but somewhere we lost it. Somewhere in the midst of it all, in the midst of the excitement, he wanted out. Hard conversations were on our horizon and instead of us being adults, taking our time and digging into them with scripture at hand, we, he ended it. I say he because I didn't want any part of it, I didn't agree with it. The moment the words came "we'll do amazing things, just not together" I could have puked! I told him I might, he looked panicked. The tears came slowly down my cheek, God held me, He cradled me in His arms and protected me in the grief. I sat there limp as he tried to make sense of his words he had heard from God, I also tried to make sense of it. One argument turned into the end, an argument we never came to any solid conclusion from, an argument that I whole heartily believed would have had much more discussion is what shot our relationship down. An argument that we both vowed to never have without God in it, without the word open, two things drastically missing from that evening. I still feel like puking, every night since that one I feel like puking, I cry, I scream and I pray. This heart of mine is praying. Clarity would be nice, revelation also, maybe a swift kick to the head? I am praying, haven't stopped. The man who I "had" dated is a child of God, he is a man of faith, he is solid, bible-believing and I know that what satan had so much fun with that night God can work out. I don't know what this will ever look like, I am pretty convinced he will remain a "had" in my life but I am thankful for my time with him. I grieve the loss, I am furious at the lack of communication and I am sad, so so so sad that something so dear to my heart was taken. I am so sad how we can go from "I am going to sleep with you someday, not in a sexual way but beside you, us together" to him becoming a "had" in my life. If I could sit with him one more time, if I could connect to his heart again, if he would give me 5 minutes of his time I would say this;

Beloved, thank-you for everything you gave me. Live your life for God, do not follow men's teachings, think for yourself guided by the word and know I miss you terribly, I never wanted this and I wish this was a "hello" not a "goodbye." Be on guard. Always on guard dear one.

So, I "had" a boyfriend and now I have an "ex" boyfriend, there is indeed usually a first for everything.


Make you feel my love

When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no - one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you
Haven't made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong

I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue and
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
You Know there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change
Are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet

I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love, To make you feel my love

I heard this song this weekend at Breakforth, Brian Doerksen sang it. I have heard this song many many times before but this weekend I saw the beauty in it; I saw my Jesus in it. 

I have been ringing in the New Year with many new blessings that I know are straight from God; He is so gracious. Soon we welcome another little Walsh into our clan which will be an amazing blessing, I am excited to touch this babies skin, to whisper in their ears and tell them of Jesus' love for their being. I will soon watch an amazing friend of mine walk down the aisle and marry her best friend a dream of hers that's about to come true. I watch and wait and pray as I look into my future knowing that only God is the one who can and will provide for me. I thank Him. Thank Him for friends, for music, for food, for love, for a sense of belonging and that no matter what I do or have done I cannot escape His love for me. 

Just as the song says "Go to the ends of the Earth for you to 
make you feel my love" and that my Jesus sure did!

Bless you!