I love Him.

Brothers, they're a hard thing from time to time but also so gentle, very gentle.

My younger brother adores me and by adores me I literally mean he cares a GREAT deal about me. He worries when a new "boy" comes calling, he warns me to be on my guard, he shakes his head and he says straight up "guys are jerks, I am a jerk and I don't like guys talking to you." His heart is so huge. Some people say "Ben is so protective of you, so over the top, he needs to settle down, give you space." The thing that bothers me so much about these statements is that none of these people truly know Ben, know his motives; he loves. He has said broken with tears in his eyes "I want you to be married soo bad, to meet the great guy but I am so fearful that you'll be hurt" -

He would hate for me to say this but Ben reminds me of my Jesus sometimes (a lot of the times- He would HATE being compared this way but I know none of you will tell him and he doesn't read my blog! haha) My Jesus knows I have to walk, that I will make choices, some that are wise others that will require bandaids but He gives me wisdom, discernment and walks with me through it all.

Ben is a lover, and he loves me and I am so thankful for him everyday. We may be different, may be a lot closer than other siblings but I think our relationship is simply a gift from God; a blessing and I will not tell people "ah I am lucky." I am not I have been blessed by my Saviour with a brother and friend who surpasses all my expectations of him (and I am a pretty demanding gal!!!)

Once in conversation with a friend I was mad that Ben hadn't shoveled the driveway yet (his job) and I said "I should just shovel my side of the driveway and put all my snow on his side as a punishment." My girlfriend said "that would be a dumb move because he will just shovel it all back to your side." But you know what? I sat there stunned because my Benny Boo Boo Benny would NEVER EVER shovel the snow back, he wouldn't, just never would. Ben is a giver, a lover and a friend with no hidden motives.

My Jesus is all these things and MORE!

How blessed indeed!

Trust

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

                               Oceans- Hillsong

It is time to blog, it's been too long I need to be more on top of this but time goes at a really fast speed it feels like. In the words of my Estonian roommate Chris though "Everyone just thinks they're busy, there is always time" - As she boards a flight tonight back to Europe to attend her mothers funeral I think yes, there really is always time. What am I spending my time in or on though?

Usually nothing or pinterest rarely do I find myself nestled in a good book, on my knees in prayer, singing praises or reading the word. Don't get me wrong, I do these things but they're not on the priority list in my life most times (dishes, laundry, pinterest, a movie, gardening) all of these other "important" things end up taking over my life. As I sat up late with Chris last night talking through the confusion it dawned on me that there is so much in this life we cannot control, that's ok too. She said to me "I can't control what is happening here, I just cannot let it control me" - Did I mention how I am certain Chris was sent here to speak to my heart?!?!

We cannot control life. I cannot control if someone will break my heart, if my car wont shift into gear (a fun time this morning with a trip to the dealership, which resulted in a missed workout, no breakfast and finding out my warranty is out haha), I cannot control it. I can however control my response to the arguments, the frustrations, the trials. Will I respond in love, joy, peace? Will I take a breath and really say "Lord, this really isn't the end of the world, help me out here" - I and I think we all need to pause, find the time to focus on what's actually important.

As I showered this morning uttering prayers for Chris, for my car, for a friends bills to be met, for my relationships I realized this is relationship with my Maker. Being able to actually talk to the Creator and knowing that He hears me and He cares about what I am saying (even if He chuckles from time to time).

Get in the presence of our Savior, that's how I feel as I play "Oceans by Hillsong" on repeat this morning. Resting in God's embrace is where I remember I am His and He is mine and that is where I can let all the worry go.

Life has been fast-paced, it has been fun, it has been hard, I have cried crocodile tears and smiled giant amounts of joy. - God is faithful. 

Challenging myself to get on my knees daily, reading His love story to me and all of you and knowing I am the tax collector from Luke 18:13 I will seek His face for all I need.

"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'"

Oh Lord, Have mercy on me.